it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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