My first STD was from a foam party
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
