Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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