The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
