If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
