it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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