i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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