I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
