There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
