He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How naked do you want me to be?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
