I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
