I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
