Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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