hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
