I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
