bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He has the fingertips of a God
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