she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
