Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
