I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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