I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
