distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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