I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I supernannyed him into submission
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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