I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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