But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
