he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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