someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
