Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
