doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
