You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
