wrigley field is MILF paradise
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
