Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
