im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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