i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
