I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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