Moan for me like Helen Keller
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
