He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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