I wish my penis had an off switch
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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