Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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