Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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