I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
