Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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