you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
