I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
