Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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