I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How naked do you want me to be?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
