Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
