just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
