Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
