in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
