Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
